First Post of 2016!

It's twenty-SIXTEEN!

I've never been one of those individuals who get super excited about the start of a new year. I mean, of course, I don't flaunt it in front of everyone else who's super excited about it, but the beginning of the year has always brought with it more a sense of anxiety and nervousness than anything else. Nervousness because I just don't have a clue what the year has in store for me and anxiety because - just like every other year before this one - I'm probably going to try really hard not to fail -- and that is always stressful. Ha!

While everyone else is making a list of resolutions they'll probably break by March, I find that I'm more content with coming up with one to three really broad, general, things that I think I could realistically accomplish by the year's end.

This time, however - I'm a little excited. 

 I'd say the excitement and anxiety ratio is at an equal 50/50 this time around. Not sure, why, but it is. It could have something to do with the number sixteen, maybe. I've always had a soft spot for numbers ending in 'teens'. My birthday is on the seventeenth and the day before my birthday is the sixteenth. More often than not, good things probably happened during this time in the month of June. 

Sixteen is almost always the middle of the month. Half/half. I like that. Not too far ahead, not too behind. A very neutral and unassuming spot, if I do say so myself. 

Steven was born in October which is the 10th month of the year and my birthday month is in June.
10 + 6 = 16.

The sixteenth is our self proclaimed "Stella Day", which means a majority of the days that fell on the sixteenth of every month for the past six years has been a happy memory. Whether it was a nice, quiet meal shared together, a movie date, or an epic getaway to celebrate an anniversary - good feelings came from these days. 

I just realised that I probably unintentionally conditioned myself to feel happy when it comes to the number sixteen. Huh. Six years could do that, right?! And a lifetime of celebrating birthdays on the seventeenth and being excited for your birthday the day before?

Okay, I've thought about it and, whatever. It's weird but I'm still taking it! Anything for the happy feels, I say. 

I'm still excited for this year because...

1. We should be are! Are finally getting around to planning a wedding. Neither he or I are actually that fussed about it, though. I feel like it's more for the benefit of everyone else who has been waiting for a Stella Wedding for the longest time, but if we were to end up eloping and there was no-one else there to celebrate with me but him, I'd still be happy, so there.

2. I have - silently - as in, internally - told myself to try and write all the time (I even had it tattooed on me to remind me for the rest of my life - which I'm in love with, by the way).
Winning NaNoWriMo for the first time last year definitely bolstered my confidence. I needed a kick and that's what NaNoWriMo was and now I am balls deep 58k+ words deep into a draft that is almost finished and I'm hoping that it's not all crap. Please pray for me.

3. I have promised to read more. I didn't finish my reading challenge for Goodreads last year.
No, I didn't start it at the beginning of the year, but still! Thirty books in six months should hardly be a challenge for me!
And yes, I'm still bothered by it, how could you tell? 

Okay fine, I was busy traipsing all over Europe, but you'd think all that traveling would have left me with tonnes of time to read, right? 

Nope! 

(Also, it might have something to do with my unhealthy obsession with a certain fandom which shall not be named. Might.)

4. In the words of Cinderella (the movie, not the book): "have courage and be kind". 

After the whole anxiety thing from the past two years I've had a lot of people tell me that I "shouldn't be so afraid" bla bla bla, that's where the anxiety comes from. That's why this is happening. 

What I really want to tell them is to f*k off, you don't know anything! 

But I can't very well do that, can I?
So instead, I smile and nod. Thank them for their advice because in the end, they mean well by it even though they have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. 

This year, even though being "afraid of things" isn't exactly what my problem is, I feel like I need to instill in me some sort of bravery. The courage to put more of my work out there, the courage to tell people things I usually would keep to myself, and the courage to do things without fear of censure or judgement. It's not the type of courage that's like jumping out of a plane or "doing things outside your comfort zone" bla bla - I'm quite happy in my comfort zone, thanks. It's more like the type of courage that keeps you true to yourself. The courage to move forward without joining the bandwagon. 

It's a wonderful thing to stress less about certain things and that's what I feel like I should really be going for this year.

Kindness in itself is self-explanatory. As cliche as it all sounds, a little kindness does go a long way. It's free to give and the more you give the more good vibes you get!

 Well, then, it looks like I've made it to an even FOUR this year! (Minutely thinking of Divergent, ha!) Bookish references will never not be a thing. 

Here's to a better year of blogging wherein I try to keep up with the content scheduling. Here's to a happy and healthy year with the coolest of people, and here's to a year filled with words. Even when there aren't any, even when you're blocked. 

Write.

xO'E.