Relationship Things: Our Honeymoon!

"I'll do what you can do."



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Back with another travel diary!

Let me just start with some background info first, though.

I am not the best traveller.
I get anxious a lot, I get super stressed, I'm OCD with a lot of things and I'm claustrophobic - just to name a few.

So when I say that my *new* husband is (and has always been) the most patient and tolerable person in the entire universe?

Lady who took this photo left her finger in all of them, lol

I mean it.

Although, I'm not saying that I don't have a certain degree of patience and tolerance myself, but...that's another story.

This trip was a long time coming.
Unlike how honeymoons are supposed to go, we didn't really get time together after our wedding but instead had to wait another four months for some proper quality time.
It was all worth the wait (of course!) but I'm not going to say that the time in between didn't demand a sh*t tonne of patience and endurance.
We were looking forward to being back on the road together. Exploring and discovering all the new things.
We've done it before and we work well together.
But it's crazy how easy habit and routine can be forgotten when you don't exercise it for a while - and we've been out of practice since we got back in 2015.

The experience isn't as jarring as when you first start travelling with someone, but there was some readjusting all the same.
(Like how I'd forgotten how he leaves the toothpaste cap open and never folds his clothes, or how he'd forgotten that I need all the snacks during flights and take twice as long as him to get ready - lol).

Which brings me to the story of The Meltdown. The meltdown to end all meltdowns (which I won't describe with specifics - mostly because it's embarrassing [mainly for me - lol]) but it was a big one.

We'd been travelling for a while by now and, like I said, I'm an anxious traveller.
I was lacking sleep, I was still stressed from the plane ride over and I was feeling all kinds of unstable.
Everything was already going horribly on this day and, of course, it was the best time to have a nice flare up.
Yasss! #anxiety

There was (what I call) Anxiety Crying - and shaking and yelling, and so. much. mess. (LoL T__T)
Mostly because I felt bad for not being able to do what he could do, and whatnot, etc.

But I'm not writing this to tell you guys about that. I'm writing this to tell you the thing that he said that made me go...*phew!* and actually take a nice good breath.

As I was sitting there being all crazy, thinking all kinds of irrational thoughts about that moment being the beginning of the end of everything (boohoo, omgomg), this guy (after attempting to argue with my irrational self) happened to just say the one thing that finally got me to see reason.

It was: "I'll do what you can do."

I can't recount it verbatim because of the haze of blah my brain was under, but it was from a big spiel that went something like, this is going to be no fun if we don't do things together.

Byodo-In Temple

Which brings me to the rest of the things that I think help us stay on the same page. It's communication and compromise. As cheesy as it sounds, I'm always reminding myself to talk and negotiate even when I'm so sure that he's wrong (lol). The truth of the matter is, we aren't the same person. I'm a firm believer that boys brains and girls brains don't work the same way at all, and if there's anything I've gained from this (almost) 8 year relationship with the same person - it's to learn how to have patience (even though I'm hardly the most patient person).

I don't have statistics to back this up, but even if you just base it on our physical appearance, Steve's definitely doing more compromising than me (ha!). He's more active, he's stronger, he's bigger, heavier, blah blah blah. Anyone who's travelled with him would know that it can get pretty exhausting trying to keep up with him and The Meltdown was most likely the culmination of my not being used to his pace anymore (I'm a sloth).

But I like to think that whatever he lacks in moving at that pace, I balance out with my need to take things slower. Think things through a little more, look into other options, refrain from jumping in with both feet, wait.

It may not always result in the happiest of moments, but who doesn't have a few lows during the highs, right?
It's a constant push and pull between us. The right way to do things, which system is better, which way is faster, etc.

But the one thing that's never changed is doing it as a team. Whatever it is that's happening, whether it's planning our itinerary, shopping for airbnbs or having a meltdown, sorting it out together is what helps to keep us strong.

And so.
 after numerous on-and-off bouts of bickering and one too many meltdowns, we found ourselves inevitably slipping back into sync with each other. That good ol' feeling when you know exactly where the other person is supposed to be or what they're doing. When you don't have to worry about every single thing because the other person's got you covered.

That feeling.

I'm not going to say it's easy to come by, because it's not. Everyone always asks us about how we do "it", labelling us "#couplegoals" and the like...
But it doesn't come without effort (as you've just read from above - lol).
If you ask me how much time we spend making sure we're on the same page, I'd say it's continuous now (heh!).
It's a constant challenge of not letting things fester and being able to tell the other person when they're being annoying =D
It's having to compromise when the other person doesn't want to do what you want to do. It's being able to sit down and discuss something when you don't agree.
It's always practicing the skill of listening and always trying to do better next time.

We are hella far from the perfection that all couples strive towards, but if you think about it, is there even such a thing?

Hope this post wasn't too heavy for you guys.
I feel like I should put trigger warnings at the beginning or something (lol), but if you're still around and reading my stuff even after all this time, I just wanted to take a second to say thank you!!! 
I love it when you guys are all like, "I read your blog and cried" (lol). Or even just "I read your blog" is really nice too T___T (I'll do the crying, haha. It's gratitude tears).

Thanks for reading!

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