There comes a point in your life when people around you start warning you about having to share your space with someone else. Moving out of the family home and living with another person, etc etc. Everyone is always like, oh, you're going to love it. You guys are going to kill each other, blah blah blah, growing pains. But one thing people don't always talk about is what it's like when you have to adjust to the opposite. When you've gotten used to living together for a few years and now have to live apart again.
It wasn't always smooth sailing for us, as is common for almost everyone who ever has had to move in with someone they've never lived with before, but without all those experiences of working out how to share our space with each other and living in places of all different shapes and sizes, I don't think Steve and I would be half as confident as we are now with our upcoming wedding. It's not about spending a few days and nights together or travelling together for a few weeks (which are both still really good practice as well!), it's more about figuring out whether you can spend every waking moment with this person without wanting to kill yourself or each other (ily, baby, lol).
After we got engaged, one of the very few big misgivings I had about the idea of committing to someone at this level was having to spend and live every day with one person. I wouldn't say it was something I "feared" but it was definitely something that had me worried a little only because at the best of times I'm the type of person that likes my own space. I have no problems being on my own and I definitely appreciated a large chunk of my days not having to speak or entertain someone else. I was worried that we wouldn't get along or that his habits would annoy the sh*t out of me and I was worried because I'd never lived with a boy before! Ew! (Lol). This misgiving, however, was something that I couldn't really solve or make better in one day or a week and it was something that, I knew, could only be resolved with time.
I know not everyone has the luxury to embark on an adventure to Europe shortly after you decide to get engaged, but if you dial it down to the basics of things, the issues are pretty much the same. We had to learn how to function as a team and it was even more important because we were in another country and had nobody else. Effective immediately, I had another collection of clothes to choose from (mostly loose t-shirts and comfy jumpers, heh!), a furnace to get me through the coldest British winters and someone who made sure every piece of technology I ever owned worked perfectly (yay!). But then I also had someone who always left the toothpaste cap open (not anymore!), the toilet seat up (still sometimes does!) and never puts anything back where it came from. (I'm sure Steve could probably say tonnes of stuff about me as well but we're not talking about that, ha!).
My point is, that huge misgiving at the beginning? Not so huge anymore because I'm so confident that he and I can exist in the same space together. That we can be ourselves around each other without having to worry about making each other unhappy. It isn't perfected in any way and we are both always growing and changing so there will definitely be new habits and other things to adjust to, but when it comes down to the basics, he now knows that I don't like it when he doesn't put things back where they came from. He knows that if he puts stuff in the laundry they will be magically washed and folded (lol) and I will not hesitate to kick him in the kidney when he hogs the bed in his sleep. In other words, we know how to sort things in the unfortunate event that something goes awry.
Fast forward to the present.
Here we are, back in our home cities, living in our own parents' houses.
Everyone always warns you about the trials of living together but hardly anyone ever talks about having to readjust to living apart. Now, what once was the only comfortable/safe place I've ever known sometimes grates on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, I love being surrounded by all my things (mmm, books. Mostly, books, lol) and hanging with the fam, but we are also looking forward to being able to share our own space again. Organise our own food, come home whenever, sleep when we need to and chill. It's been a long process but the plan requires patience and I think we're okay. I have no doubts that there will definitely be some fresh growing pains once we move back in together, but that's okay too!
x
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